


the beginning and end of everything

by winksignals



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: (also—mild swearing), (important tag: daniel is whippped af), Alternate Universe - New Year’s Eve, Angst and Feels, Flashbacks, M/M, New Year's Kiss, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-26 03:40:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13227354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winksignals/pseuds/winksignals
Summary: “For the new year's countdown, Daniel promised himself that he'd finally confess to his best friend, Jihoon.”





	the beginning and end of everything

**Author's Note:**

> credits to: @nielwinkprompts for the idea!
> 
> i know it's already been five days since the year started but i still wish everybody a happy new year! make 2018 your year by doing new things as well as continuing to do what you love the most just like how i discovered the wonderful feeling of writing my own work for the first time.

* * *

.

.

.

.

.

It’s New Year’s Eve.

.

.

.

.

.

 _To my dearest best friend,_  
_I am in love with you._

_Why did it take so long  
for me to say this?_

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Jihoon-ah,”  
  
(He starts then stops, thinking it was too normal.)  
  
“Yo, Park Jihoon!”  
  
(No, the gesture seems too casual when his goal was to make a romantic approach.)  
  
“Sup, you piece of shi—wait.”  
  
(Okay, that one’s just straight up rude.)  
  
Daniel sighs as he stares at himself in the mirror for the nth time that morning. To his horror, he discovers a great line of sweat dripping down from his forehead as if he gave birth to the Niagara falls in his scalp. He was an absolute mess.

Frustrated at himself, he pulls at the roots of his hair. “Why is this so hard?!” He almost screams.

He turns off the lights and plops onto his bed, wrapping himself in the warmth of his comforter. He wonders how he’ll ever say those three little words to his best friend. Three little words followed by the question of ‘Will you be mine?’.  
  
He never thought that he would become one of those whipped bastards that drown themselves in fairy tales. Neither did he think he downloaded Spotify just to make hundreds of playlists dedicated to the person he adores. From six years ago until today, Daniel had fallen deeply in love with his best friend, Park Jihoon.

When Daniel met Jihoon, he was in sophomore year at high school while the latter was still in middle school. Coincidentally, they were neighbors, coincidentally, they joined the soccer team and coincidentally, their mothers were friends, so coincidentally, they played video games at each other’s houses every single weekend.

Between those times they had met each other, Daniel became infatuated with the way Jihoon’s eyes collect the stars even in the darkest of days. It’s almost like he is trapped in the galaxy itself, where his breath is sucked out of his lungs. The trip to the unknown can be hot, so Daniel’s heart was already in danger, beating uncontrollably at the touch of Jihoon’s skin everytime the younger pulls him into an embrace for the victory of their team battle.

Daniel finds comfort in Jihoon’s presence and he knows Jihoon feels the same. Together, they share each other’s snacks, clothes, and even their darkest secrets.

To say that Jihoon is the source of his happiness would be an exaggeration, but it’s a synonym at that. Jihoon was always there to make him smile and he didn't know why. 

(Because he thought he was absolutely adorable that he could squish him.)

To an indifferent celestial body called Earth, nothing about what Daniel feels is special for it is only normal to fall in love.

In Daniel’s world, he knows there is no way that Park Jihoon would have stolen his heart when it's already torn to pieces. Having met and dated several individuals before, he thought there would be no one else to take him in and feel whole again.

That's when he knew the young, lively, and bratty kid who lived next door was his missing puzzle piece, hoping to be found.

Daniel remembers how happy he was when Jihoon moved in with him after he graduated from high school. Today they are living together as best friends plus a first year and third year in university. Combined with never-ending shenanigans and inside jokes, the only problem now is that he can't possibly go through the days without something different in mind.

He will live every day curious as to what it feels to wrap the boy in his arms as they drift to sleep.

He will constantly restrain himself whenever Jihoon would do just about anything that makes his chest pop.

He will have to explain to him someday on why he is acting so strange.

He will yearn for the right time to actually kiss him on the lips and have the latter kiss back.

As the days went by, he realizes that it’s almost the new year.

As the minutes turn to seconds, he realizes his time is running out.

That is because Daniel acknowledges the fact that he’s about to go give up another 365 days without telling Jihoon how much he means to him.

The only way to stop this feeling is to face it right now.

So he gets up and starts practicing again. 

  

 

* * *

 

 

The night he longed for has come. Daniel drives to the salon to pick Jihoon up in time for the New Year’s Eve party at Seongwoo’s apartment.

“Thanks, hyung,” Jihoon beams as he plops into the passenger seat next to Daniel. “Hey, I’m going to be an adult in a few hours, isn’t that crazy?”

Daniel slowly nods before turning his head to see that Jihoon dyed his hair a bright shade of _pink_. It’s almost as soft and luscious as a hairy peach.

“Pffffttt-” Daniel wheezes. “What’s with the hair?”

Jihoon glares at the older before lifting a hand up to smack his right bicep. “I'm starting my New Year with a bang. So don’t you fucking laugh at me when you look like dandruff on a stick.” He says after he's done his damage, pointing at the silver hair on top of Daniel's head.

As much as it hurts, Daniel couldn't help but laugh when he catches Jihoon pouting.

“An adult indeed.” Daniel thinks.

“Hey, let’s not insult each other on New Year's Eve, shall we?” Daniel asks, smiling as sweetly as he can.

Jihoon mutters a “Whatever, loser.” before Daniel steps on the gas, taking them into the streets of Seoul.

New Year’s Eve in the city is clean but still festive. For every few meters they ride, lamp posts are seen wrapped in strings of flashing light bulbs. When the light signals them to stop, the boys view citizens of the pedestrian crosswalk rushing to the other side carrying dozens of shopping bags—possibly full gifts and firecrackers. Some young looking men also pass by carrying multiple bottles of booze.

“I’ve got an idea,” Daniel suggests, speeding off at the green light.

“How about we celebrate your _coming of age_ at our place and have a drink together, hm?” He wiggles his brows before he offers, “I'll even hand you the key to the cabinet.” He sees the boy’s eyes light up again with the same smile that always makes his heart jump.

“You think I wasn’t going to?” Jihoon says teasingly as he chuckles. “After all, you are my best friend.”

The laughs they exchanged bounced off the walls of Daniel's Porsche, but Jihoon's voice in particular always found a way to get themselves imprisoned in Daniel's head. He realizes that he wants to listen to this voice once more, every second of every hour, and right next to him - all the time. He wants to hear him talk when he's drunk, maybe he'll be surprised by how he sounds speaking in Satoori. He also wants to listen to his heart beat in time with his breathing, sleeping right next to him until the next morning when he has to drag his hungover ass to his apartment to make him soup. He also wants to hear the peachy kid laugh because it's his favorite song, something he probably would need best to cure the feeling of loneliness at his empty apartment. Everything about Jihoon—according to Daniel—makes him feel complete. If he can't even try to tell him tonight, then he'd have to throw his whole identity away and buy one much more confident than himself.

The only thing that's stopping him is the strike of lightning that blows whenever they still call themselves ‘best friends’.

Daniel wishes he could just hit the breaks right now and tell Jihoon right to his face that he loves him, but that would put danger on the both of them as they have just entered the highway. It'll even become toxic if he lets his feelings explode, for he's afraid to become so dizzy that Jihoon's face will drift away from his vision, and they'll crash.

“Sooner than later,” he repeats to himself a hundred more times before they reach Seongwoo’s apartment.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_“Hyung, I have a question.”_

_Daniel snapped out of his thoughts when ‘that’ voice calls out to him again. “Hm?”_

_“I'm starting university soon,” Jihoon coughed. “And I know how much you complain about living alone 24/7,”_

_(Daniel could see his cheeks tint red and he honestly did not know how he was able to contain the urge to just feel them in the palms of his hands.)_ _  
_

_“And?”_

_Jihoon took a deep breath, which was unusual. “So can I like, move into your place? Not now, but next year.”_

_‘Next Year, huh?’ Daniel thought bitterly._

_“It’s pretty corny but I’d like my first roommate to be you,” Jihoon explains, eyes now fixated on the glow-in-the-dark stickers of stars pasted on the ceiling in Daniel's room._

_Daniel didn’t even try to repress the smile that spreads across his lips. “You’re already in my bed, might as well make you pay rent.”_

_“Yah, you know I’m not ready for that. I’m not an adult yet!”_  
_“But you’re already eating my food, fatass!”_  
_“Why you—”_

 _Jihoon proceeded to grab Daniel’s neck in a headlock. “Don’t ever call me a fatass again, just_ _watch me_ _get ripped next year.”_

_(There he goes again with the next year.)_

_“Why not start now?” Daniel choked out when once he’s free from Jihoon's grip._

_“Because,” Jihoon started. “New year, New me. I promised that next year I'll work out and be healthier or else I'm going to end up like Seongwoo-hyung—a lanky-ass bitch swimming in buckets of coffee.” He said as he brushed away the sweaty bangs from his face._

_"Well, what if you can't keep that promise?"_

_“Uhm,” Jihoon paused, twisting his bottom lip in between his thumb and index finger—this is how his thinking face looks. “I'll have to focus on the ones I can do, then. I don't want to go through a whole year without doing something.”_

_A long, dramatic pause. Daniel's gaze dropped and his heart swelled as the younger's surprisingly mature words left him in astonishment._

_“Doing nothing,” Jihoon breathes. “Is honestly the biggest mistake you could ever make, hyung.”_

_At that moment, he glanced over at Jihoon to see him doing the same. For once, Daniel starts feeling braver on what he’s decided on._

_“The world’s already given us another 365 days, so make every single one of them count.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

“One more minute, everybody!”

 

Daniel’s woken up, not by the booming stereo that is Seongwoo’s distorted screaming, but by the hand that shakes him in his sleep.

‘Wait, I slept?’ Daniel’s mind shoots up the same time he pushes himself to sit on the leather couch.

When he looks up, he sees his friend (and senior) Ha Sungwoon, looking down at him with eyebrows furrowed. “I was a little worried you were sick,” He starts. “You kind of went overboard with the drinks and passed out—Jihoon even dragged you here.”

“Jihoon?” Daniel suddenly remembers the promise he made and scrambles up to his feet while searching for balance on top Sungwoon’s shoulders. “Where’s Jihoon?” He asks him desperately. “I need to see him,” He cries. “It’s really important.”

“Uh,” Sungwoon gives him this weird look as if Daniel’s here to steal their non-existent children. “I’m pretty sure he’s upstairs with the rest of the first years.”

Daniel doesn’t hesitate to race for the stairs as soon as he said it—running up by two steps as he gets closer to the second floor.

“Hey, you didn’t even thank me!” He hears Sungwoon yell right below him.

“Thirty-six, thirty-five, thirty-four!” He hears the crowd cheer each number as it goes down one by one.

He planned to have at least an hour left until he was ready. All of the words he stayed up all day to practice have been wiped out from his memory. The only thing that remains is:

_Jihoon. Jihoon. I love you. Hey, fatass—I mean—Will you be mine?_

He doesn’t understand himself anymore, he just hopes Jihoon will.

 

> _“Hey Jihoon-ah, I have a confession to make.”_

 

There it is, he remembers how he’s going to start. Slowly, each piece of the notes he wrote to himself comes back to him like rain droplets that saved him from drought.

  

> _“For six years, I’ve kept this feeling in my chest I couldn’t understand at first, only because I was afraid that it meant I had to keep my distance from you.”_

 

Daniel’s heart beats furiously, winning against the loud thumping of feet jumping at the floor below him.

“Twenty, nineteen, eighteen!”

He’s running out of time, just where could he be?

 

> _“I yearned for you.”_

 

That’s when he saw him; at the end of the hall, where there is a glass door hidden behind curtains. His eyes only take him to the love of his life standing on the balcony, gazing at the stars like he owns them all.

 

> _“You’re so beautiful and you don’t even know it. Everytime I see you, it’s like the whole universe just gave up and found a home in your eyes.”_

 

Daniel is deeply, painfully, madly, passionately, undeniably in love with Park Jihoon.

(And he’s not going to stop.)

Even from a mile away, Daniel could see that he is the most beautiful person he's ever seen. He reminisces their years of adolescence when Jihoon was never confident in how his body looked, but soon those feelings washed away when they started working out together between soccer practices. Now, he's able to witness in the shameless glow that highlights every crease of his face. complimented by the moonlight that floats high above him. Daniel reckons he should tell Jihoon to thank him for helping him shape up those broad shoulders of his, for it made him look more masculine albeit his baby face. It's what he loves about him.

Daniel promised himself that he’s going to confess to his best friend, right here and right now.

(And he's going to make it.)

_Just five more steps, four more steps, three more steps, two—_

_“I can’t wait for the firework show.”_  He picks up a deep voice, and it's definitely not Jihoon's.

_—more steps._

“Me too,” Jihoon replies. His head turns over his shoulder to the person of his company.

_Who was that?_

Daniel shakily pulls onto the hem of the curtain to get a view of the mysterious figure outside this glass wall. His feet are glued to the spot, almost like he’s falling in quicksand. He cannot believe that what he’s seeing right behind the glass wall.

_Lai Guanlin._

“Ten, nine, eight, seven!”

 

> _“I was never certain of something my whole life. I didn’t know what university to go to, nor what I wanted to be when I grow up. The only thing I know for certain is that I like being with you.”_

 

He could have kicked the door right now and asked Guanlin to leave so he could finally talk to Jihoon. There are a million other things he could have done just moments before midnight. Daniel believed that he didn’t need to be reminded of his disaster on Valentine's day when he told himself he’d confess. Or Christmas morning when he burnt the cookies he wanted to write “I-like-you” on top of it using icing. It makes this moment the most tragic of them all

So he does nothing but watch as his whole world crumbles.

Guanlin slowly lifts his hands up to the curves of Jihoon’s cheeks, cupping them and caressing them with so much love. Jihoon, on the other hand, seems to indulge in the warmth of his palms; a smile dancing on his lips when he looks into Guanlin’s eyes that have disappeared out of happiness.

“Six, five, four!”

Daniel understands that he’s too late. His ears have blocked out all forms of sound, the only thing he can hear is his heart shattering into a million, infinite pieces.

_Who the hell said this was going to be a 'happy' new year? The only thing I can feel is the weight of pity upon myself._

They are too far away to hear his cries and are too immersed in each other to even glance at him either.

_Why won't anyone listen?_

Daniel wants to throw away the hand of the ticking clock because he wishes for this next year to never come. 

 

> _“I am in love with you, Park Jihoon.”_

 

Guanlin leans down until they are only a few centimeters apart.

 

> _“So will you be my boyfriend? I promise I'll be good to you this year, and all the years ahead of us.”_

 

“Three, two, one! Hooray!”

He captures his lips with his own, moving ever so smoothly as if he waited a hundred years for this moment to come alive.

_Fireworks._

Daniel can see each color touch the sky, burning brightly with so much life and energy. 

(Just like the feeling he gets when he’s with the person he loves the most.)

Guanlin must have felt that too.

So it’s no wonder why he couldn’t feel those sparks at that moment.

If he did, he’d burst into fireworks as well.

Tears were streaming down his face and his lungs are struggling to breathe. “That should’ve been me.” he sobs, letting the tears fall to the ground just like his hopes and dreams.

When the pain is not bearable, he quickly leaves the balcony before any of them catch him staring.

  

> _“So how about that kiss, huh? It's actually on the top of my list of New Year's Resolutions.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

_“Hyung,”_

_“Yes, Guanlin?”_

_“I really, really like you.”_

_“I know," Jihoon chuckles. “You just told me, silly.”_

_“Oh, right!” Guanlin grinned, wiping a fake sweat. “Just wanted to make sure you know.”_

_“Geez, Guanlin-ah,” Jihoon sighs, ruffling his hair. “You're really cute. Let's watch the fireworks now, okay?”_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

“Goodnight, hyung!” Guanlin says, waving a hand as he makes his way out the door. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

Jihoon says, “Of course,” followed by a wave in return. “Take care, Guanlin-ah. I’m going to wait for Daniel.”

As soon as he was out of sight, Jihoon’s ears pick up the sound of his name.

“Jihoon-ah!” He hears Seongwoo calling him from a distance. “Are you looking for Daniel?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon replies, nodding. “I haven’t seen him since he passed out a while ago.”

“Oh, he passed out on the couch again.”

“Again?”

“Oh yeah,” Seongwoo points at a huge pile of bodies lying on the red leather couch. “Tripped on his way down the stairs and gulped down shots like a _freak._ He’s going to have one hell of a hangover.”

“Euhahaha!” To their surprise, a terrifying giggle fills the air that was previously engulfed by silence.

“Uh, I think he’s awake.”

Jihoon couldn’t help but shake his head at how light-headed he became. “By the way,” He asks Seongwoo, “What time is it?”

Jihoon pouts when the older only points at the vintage clock hanging right behind him. “Go check it yourself.”

“Oh Really?” Jihoon cocks an eyebrow. “You’re going to be a dick to me in a new year?”

“I’m not even—nevermind.” Seongwoo sighs and gives in to the lazy junior. “It’s almost three in the morning, kiddo. I think it’s best you two sleep here tonight, I’ve got a spare room upstairs so don’t sweat it.”

“Perfect.” Jihoon thanks, then watch as Seongwoo trudges his way up the stairs to unlock the guest room. “I’m sure Daniel wouldn’t mind, right hyung?”

When Jihoon turns to look at Daniel, he isn’t looking at him. His eyes are still trapped underneath the sleep of his eyelids.

“Urghhhh,” he heard him groan.

Jihoon walks closer to the worn-out figure feeling worried. “Hyung, are you still sleepy? Seongwoo-hyung said—”

“Jihoon-ah,” Daniel speaks, voice raspy.

His words startled him, but his eyes are still closed. ‘Is he dreaming?’ he wonders.

“Oh, hyung, it’s me—”

“I’m in love with you.”

Silence. Cold, hard silence. Jihoon freezes in his spot, slack-jawed.

“W-what?”

“I,” Daniel starts to swing his arms drowsily. “I yearned,” limbs break out as if they’re searching for something. “for you.”

_No, there’s no way._

Jihoon feels a hand on top of his. It appears that the older knew whose fingers they belong to and despite them being weak, Jihoon doesn't have the power to push him away.

“I’ve loved you...for six years.”

Although shocked, Jihoon finds it in himself to smile at the drunken stud.

“Aish, you really drank too much how annoying.”

He ruffles his already-messy hair, stroking them to the tips and thought they were as mystical as snowflakes in a snowstorm.

Jihoon can feel his tears begging for freedom, so he bites down on his bottom lip to save the pain. 

“One more thing,” he hears Daniel speak again, his lips curl into the same dumb-rabbit smile he's always kept in touch with.

“Happy New Year, Jihoon.” He giggles and then says, “Let's kissss.” 

_Silly hyung, what is wrong with you?_

Jihoon doesn't know if Daniel's sleeptalking came from being extremely drunk or restlessly dreaming, so his only reply to him is a sad smile. “Looks like I'm going to have to confiscate _your_ booze cabinet now, am I right?” he teases, probably earning a lot of weird glances from ghosts who think he's talking to air. 

“Very cute,” Seongwoo praises behind Jihoon, who yelps.

“Hyung!” Jihoon gasps, letting go of Daniel's hand. “How long were you—”

“Take this and go upstairs,” Seongwoo ignores Jihoon's questions and lends him a thin blanket. “I figured you wouldn't want to carry his ass up for like, 50 steps, so I think it’s better if he sleeps on the couch.”

“Oh, true.” Jihoon blushes with uncertainty. “Thanks, Seongwoo-hyung.”

Seongwoo leaves the two alone once again after he bids them a goodnight, yawning as he makes his way up to his room.

Jihoon listens to Daniel giggle endlessly before they transition into little snores.

“Happy New Year to you too, hyung.” Jihoon greets back as he tucks him in the blanket Seongwoo just threw at him.

_You're always going to be my best friend._

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Why did it take so long  
for me to say this?_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

  
_It was because I've always thought_  
_that you were my new year's eve._

_The beginning and end  
of my everything._

* * *

**—**   **end —**

**Author's Note:**

> that was honestly the longest minute anyone’s ever seen oops just how dramatic was i trying to be?! //sobs//
> 
> i’d like to thank miss sznn for proofreading this and supporting me throughout the process as well ♡
> 
> i look forward to your feedback, comments, kudos, and bookmarks!
> 
> btw: changed u/n from thepeachywitch to winksignals !
> 
> yours truly, angi xoxo


End file.
